You know, I don’t know what the deal is with some people who are supposedly my friends. Apparently certain people think I’m some kind classist snob. They think I look down on them because I have a white-collar profession and a college degree and all that. Maybe they’re just defensive because they would like to be thought of as university-town upper-middle-class intellectuals that they aren’t. As for me, I got into software development, and busted my butt going to college to be able to do so, for two major reasons: first, I’ve wanted to be in software development since I was like ten years old – it’s my other great passion in life along with music. And second, I’m too much of a fucking wuss for factory work, or construction work, that kind of thing. My body just can’t keep it up on a full-time basist. I have good references and experience for construction/remodeling work if I wanted to pursue it, but it just doesn’t work for me. But I have real respect for people who can hack it, because I can’t.

It also seems that some of this could spring from fallout from something I said on a Myspace blog some time back and ended up taking down because people took it completely wrong. I was frustrated that the friends I’ve been hanging out with in recent years didn’t have quite the level of musical skill of some of the people I used to play with, and I was having a hard time putting together a band out of them that could handle my loonball ideas. There were some personal colorations to it too, but it was mainly about that. And in it I wrote something to effect that, some of those old Ragman/No Consensus crew might make fun of some of the friends I was trying to do music with at the time. A lot of that had to do with one particular old friend of mine, someone who’s stuck with me a lot of years and has been really understanding, but that some of the old Ragman crew kind of used to rag on. Some of those guys were real bastards to him back then, and I always thought it was kind of shitty of them; and since then so many of them have gone off and moved to “cool” places like New York and Seattle and San Fransisco and I was trying to express how disconnected I was feeling from the artist/musician worlds they live in now, and how I pictured them thinking they’re soooooo cool and what they might think of the people back in Waterloo/Cedar Falls that I was hanging with. Not that I’m saying that they are actually being that way, but just that it’s a thought that runs through my head and bothers me – that my old friends might be just too “cool” for me now, because they’re off in the big cities being real <sarcasm>artists </sarcasm>. But instead it came off like I was being the snob. So I figured I didn’t get my point across, tried my best to apologize to anyone that got the wrong idea, and took the post down. And here we are, months, possibly years later, and certain people are still pissed. What the fucking fuck.

So this whole thing goes down this morning where a certain “friend” misconstrues something my wife said to his wife (they’re been friends since they were kids) in the same kind of way, and I have to deal with Leah calling me up on the phone crying while I’m on my way to work because this dickhead took it upon himself to call her up and leave a nasty fuck-you message over it. So I called him to get things straight, and all he does is yell at me and doesn’t let me explain my shit, and he sure the fuck isn’t going to call my wife and apologize for talking shit at her. So fuck him. I didn’t have to call, and I wouldn’t have bothered if I didn’t care, but I took the initiative to clear the air and this is how he reacts. Who’s acting like a man here, and who’s acting like a little bitch? I’m seriously fantasizing about knocking on his door and beating the shit out of him when he answers. He’s not the only one that’s had it coming, either. I’m seriously upset, and I was moved to call up my certain aforementioned, understanding friend and let him know how much I appreciate him.

I’m still open to hearing out apologizes, but if that isn’t forthcoming, then fuck it. Seriously, if it’s that easy for you to believe I’m this elitist jerkoff, then you never really knew me in the first place and I’m glad to be moving away from you.

Charlie Schiz

Charlie Schiz
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. I've been weird all my life. It's my time to shine.

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